Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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