just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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