don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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