dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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