I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
