Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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