You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
