You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i would punch a child for taco bell
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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