paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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