The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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