Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
