there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
