I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
