Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
