He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
there's paper in my vomit.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
