I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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