They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Randomize
