What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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