In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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