hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
