I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize