if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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