Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
