You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
