just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
