I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
