i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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