She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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