keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
