Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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