people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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