Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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