Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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