Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
