she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
