I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
