I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
