dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
