She is in my trunk
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
