so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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