is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
