The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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