I think scott just propositioned me for sex
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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