nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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