Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
