So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
