Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
