I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
