i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
