I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
