i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
