One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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