I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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