Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We left an ass print on the piano.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
