i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
