I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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