They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
