Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
