im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
