I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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