Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize