I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
