I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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