Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
