Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
